Jailed Guantanamo Inmate Excited After Learning of Daylight Saving Time

Monday, March 15, 2010

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA -- According to one inmate who just recently learned of the daylight saving time concept, doing hard time never went by so fast. Aaban Mazhar, a 37-year-old suspected terrorist, had never heard of the practice of setting clocks forward each spring, as his home country of Saudi Arabia is one of the many countries that do not participate. Mazhar, who has been held on unknown charges at the Guantanamo Bay Detainment Facility since 2004, was reportedly ecstatic when he was informed early Sunday morning before his weekly water-boarding that he would not be blindfolded and beaten after lunch because they had lost an hour after calendars sprang forward. "Allah is surely with me, for He has reduced the light of day," said Mazhar as he hung upside down in a frigid room, suspended above a group of barking military police dogs. "One less hour in prison! Praise be to Allah!"

After being informed that daylight saving time also benefits retailing, sports, and other activities that exploit sunlight after working hours, Mazhar declared it would be nice if his future genital-electrocutions could now be held outside.