Roses & Roadapples

Friday, September 2, 2011

Roses to Bass Pro Shop. That's a pretty obvious one, right there.

Roadapples to that new video game store up on the square. If you only wanna give me ten bucks for my old SEGA Dreamcast, that's fine, that thing'll just go right back in my garage until you wanna get a brain already and give me twenty bucks.

Roadapples to Larry Snyder for removing the F-150 emblem on his truck and gluing on an F-250 emblem -- I mean, who in the holy hell you think you're fooling, Larry? We all know it's an F-150!

Roses to Todd Haley and the Chiefs for cuttin' loose that backup QB a theirs, Croal or Stroal somethin'. If they hadn't a released him by the first home game I was gonna show up with an acrostic sign tellin' them to just release him already, but I was havin' some real trouble comin' up with a good word to fill the "P" in "ESPN". So when I saw the news in the paper a few days ago, a big 'ol weight lifted up off my shoulders, if you can believe it.

Roadapples to Tom Skillet for going in to use the bathroom at the Hardee's, then leaving without ordering anything.

Roses to Harold Creamer for gettin' that first parking spot right outside Sam's every Saturday night for the past, gotta be eleven Saturdays now. I was in there last Saturday gettin' a couple boogers and saw his car in that same great spot, so I said to the girl workin' behind the counter that Harry was like the goddamn Joe DiMaggio of parking spots. She just laughed.

Roses to Bill Murray. No, I ain't ever met him or nothin', I was just thinkin' the other day that if I ever did meet Bill I'd just shake his hand and ask him if he's ever seen a ghost in real life. I remember a few years ago me and Roland Weaver were pretty sure we saw some sorta spooky figure standing in a car stall a few over from us at the Sonic. Well, a course Roland kept yellin' at it, sayin' things like "Order somethin' already and get outta here!", but we looked away for a second and when we looked back a second later it was gone! So I bet ol' Bill's got some crazy stories like that livin' all those years in famous old Hollywood houses. I know it ain't got the special effects newer movies have, but The Ghostbusters is still pretty damn scary if ya ask me.