Roses & Roadapples

KYLE SNYDER
LOCAL REPORTER

Roadapples to the guy right before me in the drive-thru line at Hardee's last Monday morning. It don't take seven minutes to place a breakfast order, take yourself a lap around the lot if you need a second to think it over, my God.

Roadapples to Jerry Stabler for comin' around the store the other day to show off the hundred bucks he won at some casino on the river up in the city. We don't need to see that, Jerry, we ain't got any extra time to be runnin' around playing slots 'cause we're down here actually workin' for a living -- trading carbon credits ain't a career, you dumbass!

Roses to those weird nudie shows on HBO. Whenever I'm traveling I make sure to stay in a motel with free HBO, seems like one a those things are always on when I'm there.

Roadapples to Juan Pablo Montoya for runnin' into the back of that dryer truck at the Daytona 500. Hell, if I could pick something to slam into while zoomin' around like that, a goddamn jet engine would be about last on my list.

Roses to those stretchy sticky hands you used to get from the toy dispensers at the front of the grocery store. Sure, they'd get hair and dust stuck to 'em no more than ten minutes after you got 'em outta that plastic capsule, but hell if they weren't fun. Besides, they were only a quarter so you could just get a handful at a time, that'd last you 'bout a week.

Roses to the girls high school cross country team for takin' second place in the district this year. They'd have taken first if they hadn't a let the Native American school compete -- they run barefoot and for some reason that makes 'em fast as all hell. I guess it ain't against any rules or anything, but that just don't seem right to me.

Roadapples to the Houston Astros stadium crew. A bunch of us was sittin' around watchin' Wednesday Night Baseball on ESPN and they showed a shot of the city just before the game started. We all said to eachother, "well hell, looks like it's gonna rain, better close your roof, boys!" Sure enough, the game was delayed for ten minutes in the second inning while some guy had to get up off his ass and flip the switch to close the roof. Maybe they oughtta hire someone new to run that deal -- hell, I'd do it for a million bucks.