Scientists Begin Research of Endless Shrimp Theory at Local Red Lobster

Friday, October 1, 2010

GENEVA, IL -- Citing its limitless possibilities and high potential for mathematical singularity, scientists from the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory set out during their lunch break on Friday to better understand the theoretical application of infinite shrimp experienced every year during Red Lobster’s ‘Endless Shrimp’ promotion. The annual event, in which a never-ending variety of succulent shrimp choices is said to be of an interminable quantity, will be painstakingly studied by Fermilab scientists “probably for the rest of the day”, according to one researcher. “In quantum field theory, infinities arise which need to be interpreted in such a way as to lead to a physically meaningful result, therefore the research must be done ever so carefully,” said Dr. John C. Rhodes, in between large bites of Red Lobster’s new parmesan crusted shrimp. “The key to studying ‘Endless Shrimp’ theory, we believe, is to not load up on cheddar biscuits in order to save room so you can try all the shrimp more than once and decide which is your favorite.” Although still in the early stages of a research campaign expected to last weeks, if not months, the scientific team has already agreed on one conclusion -- although without bound and by all accounts eternal, more than one plate of the garlic shrimp scampi can lead to perpetual heartburn.