People Magazine Trumps Majesty of Airplane Flight

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

LITTLE ROCK, AR -- The latest People Magazine, featuring the truth about Kate Gosselin's new body and Liam Neeson's latest chance at love, took preeminence over the miracle of human aviation on Tuesday aboard a Southwest Airlines flight from Ft. Lauderdale to Little Rock. Passenger and longtime People Magazine subscriber Melissa Hosmer, 26, was astounded to learn that Liam Neeson has cautiously began dating a year and a half after the death of his wife and not, in fact, that she was traveling through the sky at nearly six hundred miles-per-hour in an aluminum tube. "Oh my God, Kate Gosselin's firm stomach looks unbelievable," Hosmer said as she turned the page some 30,000 feet above the Earth and it's inhabitants, who were once resigned to traveling solely by ground and sea, jealous of the winged vertebrate animals who experienced the grace of flight. Shortly before the pinnacle of human engineering effortlessly descended from the heavens with the aid of complex flight computers that would almost assuredly bring the Wright brothers to tears were they alive today, Hosmer was said to be in awe over pictures of Kate Hudson's Emilio Pucci backless gown and Cartier jewels.