Obama Condemns Gardener's Use of Leaf Blower Near Presidential Bedroom Window

Thursday, August 26, 2010

WASHINGTON, DC -- President Barack Obama issued a statement on Wednesday strongly condemning the use of a noisy gas-powered leaf blower by a White House gardener just outside his bedroom window at approximately 8:45 this morning. "I would like to express sympathies to my wife Michelle and to whomever else I might have been cranky with this afternoon after being unnecessarily woken up by this incessant machine and the gardener who is behind it," said Obama. "The White House has and will continue to be deeply concerned by the reckless use of gas-powered leaf blowers within my earshot and their impact on my peaceful early morning slumber." President Obama then described the use of the incredibly loud and superfluous device in the early morning as an "intolerable offense" and called on White House authorities to "investigate in a prompt and efficient manner this serious act, with the purpose of seeking out the perpetrators and possibly giving them a long, wooden-handled, bristly leaf-moving device that doesn't run at 75-fucking-decibels."