Time Traveler at Johnny Rockets Restaurant Has No Idea What Year He's In

Friday, July 23, 2010

NASHVILLE, TN -- Frightened and confused, a time traveler from the future sent on a mission to the 1600s ended up at a local Johnny Rockets restaurant by mistake on Friday, rendering the visitor unable to decipher his exact location in the space-time continuum. Lieutenant Nirev Traksa, a 160-year-old chrononaut from centuries into our future, was passing through a light cone when his timeship's entropy reactor became overheated, causing him to inadvertently enter our timeline and beam inside the Opry Mills mall restaurant, which is known for it's 50s decor, rock 'n roll music, and friendly waitresses dressed in period-appropriate attire. "While the hand-dipped chocolate malts and tabletop jukeboxes most indubitably suggest I'm currently in the Once United States of America circa 1950 to 1960, I can unequivocally say I know for certain that the young people in the corner booth are wearing brightly-colored high top sneakers and leggings from the 1980s," Traksa said, in between bites of the classic chili cheese fries. "Dear Newton, is that woman conversing through an early 21st century cellular tumor accelerator? Where in the dimension am I?" After using our rudimentary wi-fi communication system to send a digital homing signal to his fellow chrononauts in the future timeline, Traksa momentarily concluded he was stranded at some point in the internet era of 2000 to 2010, but he then quickly retracted that guess after spotting a nearby advertisement for the new Karate Kid movie.