Newly Retired Helen Thomas to Squirrels: 'Get the Hell Out of My Bird Feeder'

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On her first official day of retirement after a decades-long career in journalism, the 89-year-old former White House correspondent issued a terse statement Tuesday morning to a pack of squirrels in her backyard: "Get the hell out of my bird feeder". Thomas, a trailblazing reporter that was never afraid to speak her mind, says the feeder was once a peaceful place where an assemblage of bluebirds traditionally gathered until the group of squirrels moved in and seized control, sparking years of violence between the two animal species. "Remember, these birds are occupied and it’s their feeder," Thomas said, rocking back and forth in her chair as she stared at the squirrels intently through her kitchen window. "The squirrels should just go home to that old, scary tree where they used to live." Known for aggressively questioning ten American presidents in her esteemed career, Thomas believes she will next focus her attention on a group of neighborhood children who she says have no business being near her driveway.