Almost English-Speaking Foreigner So Hungry He Could Ride a Horse

MIAMI, FL -- According to sources, almost English-speaking foreign tourist Chaz Emahnual was so hungry on Monday, that he "could ride a horse". Emahnual, 39, has been in the United States for three days now and was so close to completely learning English before his trip. "This restaurant has been taking too long to prepare my order," said Emahnual, sitting anxiously in his booth at Chili's. "It's driving me home!" Emahnual hopes to get enough sleep for tomorrow's big trip to the shopping mall, where not amongst his purchases will be any sort of English dictionary or grammar book. "My aunt went shopping in America last summer," Emahnual excitedly said. "She made out with a bandit!"